My BFF brooklynite has some interesting things to say about girls, and sex ed, and public figures. Which got me thinking about what I would like to see Amerikan girls learn about sex. Kind of a sex ed 201.
Which is a complete and total pipe dream, of course, in these United States, where if not for some intrepid librarians we wouldn't be able to use "abortion" as a search term on a government-funded health site. Look how hard it's been to establish the need for these reality-based, sex 101 messages:
1. There are reliable ways, besides abstinence, to prevent pregnancy.
2. There are reliable ways, besides abstinence, to prevent STIs.
3. Abortion is safe (safer than carrying a pregnancy to term, in fact) and there's a wide range of legitimate opinion as to when and whether it is appropriate.
4. Gay and trans people are human beings and are not sick or evil -- at least, no more sick or evil than the average cis hetero.
Once we get the above curriculum established, we can worry about sex 201. But I'm worrying about it now, anyway.
Some things I want teenage girls to know about sex:
Sexual experiences vary tremendously. A sexual experience can be:
a. The best experience of your life;
b. The worst experience of your life;
c. Very nice; or
d. A boring let-down.
I suppose it could also be all of the above, but you need permission of the instructor to get into that class.
What I want girls to know is how to maximize the a and c experiences, and minimize or avoid the b and d ones. I think a lot of teenagers have a lot of bad sex, and that's a shame.
First of all, girls, here is a map of your clitoris and g-spot. They are your friends. Take some time to get to know them before you have sex with a partner.
Your chances of having a good sexual experience are exponentially higher if you like and trust your partner. Not everyone will agree, but I strongly recommend getting to know this person before you take your pants off. It's especially nice if you are in love, but not absolutely necessary.
Some people who want to have sex with you care deeply about your feelings, your safety, and your well-being. Others do not. If you don't know which category your potential partner falls into, wait until you do.
Adults who want to have sex with you are sleazy assholes. Avoid them. Depending on how young you are, this category may include high school seniors.
If you think you have to have sex with someone in order to hold on to him or her, s/he is not worth holding on to. This one needs to be repeated about a million times, and in about a milion ways.
No human is born knowing how to have great sex. It takes practice. If you want your partner to touch you a certain way, chances are you will have to ask. If you're not comfortable asking, maybe you don't trust this person enough to have sex with him or her.
When you do have sex, ask for what you want. Someone who is not willing to meet your (reasonable, safe) sexual requirements is not worth having sex with. Believe me, you will find someone else.
When you do have sex, don't be selfish. Make sure the other person gets what s/he wants (within reason, safely) too.
All this waiting to have sex is hard. Having friends you can hug helps, although it can also make things worse. Masturbating definitely helps. Masturbate a lot.
I called this "sex tips for girls" because I know what it's like to be a girl. I don't know what it's like to be a boy. These tips probably apply equally to boys and girls, though, apart from the anatomical differences.
What are your tips? Are they different for boys and girls?