chicken, me, simon, vegan

Writer's Block: Significant Change

Have you ever tried to change yourself for someone you were in a relationship with (or wanted to be in a relationship with)? Did it work?
Yes.  No.

On a slightly more serious note -- when the X and I broke up 6 years ago, I spent a lot of time thinking about what had gone wrong and what I could do differently next time.  I think I did change as a result of that experience, and the change made me more skillful at being in a relationship -- but with a different person.  That's probably true of every significant relationship I've been in, but the last one was the most serious and therefore I thought about it the most afterward.
chicken, me, simon, vegan

Iowa is cooler than California

It's official.

And while shaking up people's regional assumptions is always a good thing, I'm finding it bizarre that I can get married in Des Moines but not San Francisco.

At least Mr. Sulu is still married.  Are all the people who got in under the wire now saying "neener, neener"?

It's been weird in CA since November, and it's about to get even weirder.


chicken, me, simon, vegan

Republicans can't have it both ways.

Interesting article in today's Times about NY Assemblymember Daniel O'Donnell (Rosie's older brother) and his efforts to promote the marriage equality bill.  He's been lobbying both Assemblymembers and Senators, Democrats and Republicans,  and sometimes he gets personal -- for example, he told Republican Assemblymember Greg Ball that if he votes "no," he won't get invited to O'Donnell's engagement party.

I take this issue very personally too, and here's what got me -- at the end of the article, Ball says he is going to vote "no," 

But he added that he hoped that Mr. O’Donnell would not cross him off the invitation list for the engagement party.

“I would love to attend, no matter how I vote,” Mr. Ball said.

Excuse me?  If you have your way, asshole, there will be no marriage equality in NY, thus no wedding, thus no engagement party.  So WTF are you saying?  That you're voting against the bill, but you hope it wins anyway?  What kind  of morally bankrupt crap is that?  You obviously haven't read your Kant.

These Republicans who supposedly have legions of (self-hating?) gay friends make me sick.  If you are against my having civil rights, you are not my friend.  Period.  Why the fuck would I want you at my engagement party?

I know there are people who are able to have serious political differences without it getting personal -- Justices Scalia and Ginsburg are supposedly good friends, after all.  I've been reading a book about Thomas Jefferson that talks about how in the last decade or so of their lives, he and John Adams repaired their relationship, despite their profound political differences.  Maybe I am just not as flexible as some people.  Or maybe I think this issue is different.

I have had significant political differences with friends.  My dear friend L supported the U.S. invasion of Afghanistan in October 2001.  I marched in demonstrations against it.  We were able to agree not to discuss it.  It was an issue I felt very strongly about, but I also felt it was one on which reasonable people could disagree.

I cannot have a reasonable disagreement with someone who thinks I am not a whole human being.  I cannot have a reasonable disagreement with someone who asserts that my relationship with[info]thedeepquiet   is not as signficant or deserving of respect as his relationship with his lawfully wedded spouse.  That's like thinking Miss Daisy and her chauffeur can be friends.  They have a significant relationship, but they aren't friends.

Daniel O'Donnell met his partner in college in 1978.  They have been together since 1980.  I hope they are able to celebrate their engagement very soon.  I'm curious to see who gets invited to the party.   

chicken, me, simon, vegan

Siman tov u mazel tov

To Melisa and Shelby, Grant and Andrew, Alicia and Jessica, Curtis and Daren, Patrick and Denny,  and all the other happy Iowa couples who are getting their marriage licenses today.  And a special shout-out to Sean and Tim, who managed to get married right after the trial court ruling, before the judge issued a stay, and will now have some company.

Iowa.  Who woulda thunk it?
chicken, me, simon, vegan

Reflections on a ninth birthday

My cousin R is turning nine, and to mark the occasion she is getting her ears pierced.  So exciting!  Of course I bought her some earrings, and I also decided to give her two old pairs of my own, which my mother gave to me when I had my ears pierced at age five.  One pair actually belonged to my mother originally, when she got her own ears pierced at sixteen; the other pair was purchased for me.   They are small, very appropriate for a little girl, and they shined up nicely.  I packed them in with the earrings I'd bought for R, and mailed them today with a card in which I wrote her a note explaining the earrings' provenance.

It sounds so banal when I put it on view like this  -- three generations of women, hanging pieces of metal from their ears, sniff sniff -- but I really did feel kind of weepy.  I felt something about loving a child -- the feeling of loving someone more than she could ever possibly love you, beyond reason, and being content with that.

Sometimes in mediation people ask me whether I have children.  I do not have children.  I do not know what it's like to be a parent.  But I know something of what it's like to love a child.
chicken, me, simon, vegan

Writer's Block: My Biggest Environmental Concern

What is your biggest ecological or environmental concern? What are you doing to make a difference?
Global climate change, or "global scorching," as Rabbi Arthur Waskow would have it.  Actually, "terror" is a better word than "concern," in this scenario.

Although it's not my primary reason for doing it, eating a plant-based diet is the single thing I do that has the biggest impact on environmental issues in general and global climate change in particular.  Livestock produce more greenhouse gases than cars, and while people should certainly drive less (I take public transportation most of the time), eating animal products has a huge impact on the climate.  The amount of animal farming currently taking place is not sustainable.  That's one of the reasons I have a problem with charities like the Heifer Project -- increasing livestock production is really not something we need to be doing right now.

Eventually, everyone is going to have to eat less meat or none at all.  Why not start now?